What do women want?

I don’t know. And I don’t claim that I have a strong grasp of everything that women want or think (including on those occasions when my better-half asks me, to my horror, “what do you think?”). I’m not a woman, and it would more than presumptuous to know what they want.

On that basis, I’ve found the made up “war on women” more than a little disingenuous. Whether it is Democrats attacking Republicans or Republicans attacking Democrats, both political parties are headed by men, have been for over a hundred years, and recently have even been bitten by awkward revelations and comments that seem to contradict what they say.

Democrats have criticized the Mitt Romney for not supporting the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Play act that extends the time that someone—ostensibly, women—may sue for equal pay treatment. And this is just one more piece of the criticism of Romney that he is conducting a “war on women” on issues ranging from maternal leave, contraception, and healthcare.

Ironically, it comes as Barack Obama’s White House was accused last week of paying female staffers 18% less than the men (and don’t start on the women in the White House working in lower level, and therefore lower paying, positions—it only begs the question why discriminatory hiring has put more men than women at the top). Meanwhile, Hilary Rosen, a CNN pundit and Democratic strategist questioned whether Ann Romney, stay-at-home mom of five boys, had ever even worked a day in her life.

Listening to the tit-for-tat, one can’t help but suggest that perhaps both sides should “cast out the beam” from their own eyes…

Like I said, I don’t know what women do want, but I do know this: whether at home or in the workforce, women have more than proved their value to our society, many times over.

There are some things common to both men and women. We both want to be respected, honored for our choices, and appreciated for our work, whether in the home or out. We both want our children to have enough and grow up to be independent and productive members of society, we want to enjoy free time with our families, and we want a little extra money to save: for retirement, a vacation, a new car, or a down payment on a house with a bit more elbow room…or whatever.

And whether they are in the workforce or at home, women know this stuff just as well as men, if not better.

Muhammad Yunus, founder of Grameen Bank (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ask Muhammid Yunus. In the mid-1970s, he pioneered a concept of using microloans to help impoverished villages in Bangladesh create economic development. The loans had an incredibly high level of payback and low default rates, even compared to developed countries. The institution Yunus founded—the Grameen Bank–actually worked to expand economic growth in the villages where they worked, especially among women.

One of the most interesting things Yunus found as the program grew was how effective the loans were at helping women take control of their future. In fact, women were better borrowers than men. They would use the money to benefit their household to produce a steady stream of income, putting their children in school, and ending generations of poverty and ignorance.

And they paid off their loans on time, too. Recognizing the power and the influence women had to transform their communities, the Grameen Bank, as of 2009, extended loans to 8 million borrowers, a whopping 97% of which are women. In 2011, it was lending $100 million a month.

Lesson? Women are reliable, they make smart decisions, and they understand economics. Further, they know what they want and they don’t need men—whether in the White House or in the home, to tell them what it is they need.

All this is just prologue. When we come down to it, this is about how we—men, the government, and CNN pundits–get out-of-the-way and let women make the choices themselves. Whether it’s a husband, father, or government, women don’t need men to tell them what is right or what is wrong, how to spend their money or whether they should be working or not. They know what is best for their families and they are perfectly adept at figuring it out without Uncle Sam telling them how. They just need to be treated like their decisions—whether to stay-at-home and raise their children or to share the responsibility of providing with dad…or even, to not have children at all—matter and are respected.

That’s the reason why Hilary Rosen’s comments elicited so much ire last week, from all sides of the political spectrum. From the stay-at-homes, it was a feeling that the elites of the world, the pundits and powers in Washington, don’t respect the work that a mom does at home. From the moms who work outside the home, it was a feeling that Ann Romney can’t understand how hard it is for those who must work to get by, or don’t have a man to share the load with them. For those of us who are neither (i.e. men), it was a collective feeling of recognition for what our mothers, wives and sisters have done to get us and themselves to where we are. To all of us, it was offense that such an enormous sacrifice could be so blithely passed over.

Speaking as a man, women are our equals, if not our betters. Speaking as a member of the workforce, stay-at-home mothers are our equals, too. Among other things, there is one thing we can do now to show our appreciation: let’s pay them fairly and equally when they are in the workforce, and encourage and support them in their choices when they opt to work in the home. It’s tough to be a mother—and no one should try to tell them that one political party or the other knows what’s best for them. They know best for themselves.

What do women want? They want to be treated equally and fairly in whatever choice they make. They are smart, they understand the effects of their choices, and they move the economy. Whether they choose to be in the workforce or at home, it’s time we treat them like they are the equals that they are.