Brittany Burton is an occasional contributor to Publius Online. She is a stay-at-home mom who wishes homemaking involved more bon-bons and fewer dirty diapers.
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Late Wednesday night, my husband mentioned the attack on Ann Romney for “never working a day in her life.” In other words, for being a “stay-at-home” mom. I was busy breast-feeding my youngest, so I didn’t think much of it at the time. I rolled my eyes and said something like, ‘Oh brother, what next?’ It was morning before I actually watched the clip of Hilary Rosen making her jab at Ann Romney.
Only then did it strike home just how personal Rosen’s attack was on me and my choice to switch careers to raise my children.
Before having children, I worked full-time in a middle-management position. It was a demanding and usually thankless job. With how many hours a week I put in, my salary felt pathetic, but considering that I didn’t have more than a bachelor’s degree, I couldn’t complain. I had my own money, I was moving up, and people looked to me for leadership and direction.
When I gave birth to my first child, I made the decision to stay home full-time. For as long as I can remember, it was what I wanted. My own mother was a stay-at-home mom, so I thought I had a pretty good idea of what the job entailed.
I was wrong. I had no idea just how demanding the work of a stay-at-home mom is. Since, I’ve often looked back on my life before children longingly as it relates to the amount of work and monetary compensation I received for it. Back then, I knew my value and could put a number to it. Today, it’s not so easy to put a number or see appreciation for my efforts.
Despite the challenges, I am happy with my choice to be a stay-at-home mom. I want it because I believe my children will be better off if I raise them than if they’re raised by someone else. The smiles and laughter, baby-steps (literally and figuratively), the random ‘I love you, Mama,’ the growth and happiness of my beautiful girls makes it worth the effort.
As foreign as it may seem to our increasingly progressive culture, I also want to be a stay-at-home mom because I believe it’s where God would prefer me to be during this season of my life. He knows, and I know, that I could be doing things a lot more glamorous than breast-feeding multiple times a day, changing diaper after diaper, disciplining a whining child, reading picture book after picture book (and sometimes the same one repeatedly), oxy-cleaning juice- and marker-stained clothes…
But He also knows, and I also know, that being the best full-time, stay-at-home, change-the-diapers, read-the-books, endure-the-whining, and love-the-littles mom I can be is more meaningful than any other job I could be doing right now. I believe that nothing I can do will have a greater impact on the world than teaching my girls to be the best they can be.
I don’t say all this to devalue women who work outside the home, whether it is by choice or because of need. I recognize that there’s a lot that goes into the decision to work outside the home. I’m thankful I live in a time when women have more opportunities than they have had in previous generations. However, I also acknowledge that our culture is built on what happens in the home and what starts there, and I have chosen to dedicate my life to building my home strong.
…which brings me back to Hilary Rosen and why she makes me feel like a mama bear with threatened cubs. I feel that she has not just insulted Ann Romney, but assaulted the very purpose I have given my life to: giving my kids the best life I can and all of the hard work it entails.
I have made genuine sacrifices to raise my children. When Rosen decides to mock that sacrifice, I find it extremely offensive and personally disheartening. She reflects a society that devalues my contribution.
Ironically, I feel bad for Rosen because clearly, at least as it seems to me, she’s out of touch. She’s out of touch with stay-at-home moms and out of touch with working outside-the-home moms. She’s just out of touch with moms.
My struggles may look a bit different than a mother who is not a stay-at-home mom. But in some respects, I have more empathy for the mother who must work than anyone else, and her for me. Because working out-of-the-home mom or working in-the-home mom, we all know how hard it is to be a mother. We know what it means to sacrifice and work hard for our families. We’re making different sacrifices, but sacrifices none-the-less.
I also found it offensive and disheartening when Jim Messina, Obama’s campaign manager said that ‘[Rosen’s] comments were wrong and that family should be off limits.’ I think Messina kind of misses the point by saying that, ‘family should be off limits.’ It makes it sound like he’s saying Rosen’s comments were wrong because family should be off-limits. How about Rosen’s comments were wrong because they were just wrong?
And yet, the irony and hypocrisy continues to the top. I watched the clip of President Obama saying that his family didn’t have the luxury of Michelle being a stay-at-home mom…when he was making over $162,000 a year. It’s one thing if Michelle didn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom, but implying that they couldn’t afford it? I know lots of stay-at-home families with 2+ children that are making less than half that amount—much less than half that–and are doing just fine.
Moms make personal sacrifices that most men won’t make and can’t really understand, either. If Obama’s people think that this anti-mom message is how you empower women, that this is how you reach out to women and give them the tools they need to be successful and relevant, then they are the wrong choice to represent women in America. If they think that attacking stay-at-home moms is low hanging fruit, they have picked the wrong demographic to anger.
Don’t demean the hard, sometimes thankless work I do in my home. Don’t assume that because my family is making it on one income (and that of a man) that I don’t understand economics and how it affects my family.
Don’t assume that because of the traditional role I’ve chosen that I don’t value women’s rights. Don’t imply that because I’m a stay-at-home mom I can’t relate with other moms. Don’t think that I don’t make just as many sacrifices.
Hilary Rosen’s comments aren’t an attack on Ann Romney, except for superficially. They’re an attack on moms, our choices, our families, and our right as women to choose. And I’ve got news for you, Rosen: there are a lot of us.
And we vote.
Related articles
- Michelle Malkin: Hilary Rosen Comment Exposes Democratic Women’s ‘Contempt For All Conservative Moms’ (mediaite.com)
- Who’s really got a “woman” problem? (publiusonline.com)
- Mika Brzezinski Slams Hilary Rosen’s Comment On Ann Romney: ‘That Woman Works. It Was An Incorrect Statement.’ (mediaite.com)
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Great post! I needed this message today! Sometimes the rhetoric makes me feel a little down, or alienated. Glad I’m not alone in my choices and thinking.
excellent. I could not have said it any better. I love what Dan writes, but you should contribute more often on here, you are an excellent writer.
Great points and great post. I am very thankful that my mother stayed home with me and my siblings and that my brilliant wife chooses to be home with our kids. My mom taught me every day and I knew that she loved me because she put us first. Saying that being a stay-at-home mom is hard and important work doesn’t devalue what other people do. But it is ludicrous to say that stay-at-home mothers don’t work.
Amen, sister! My mom was a stay-at-home mom, and when my wife and I were dating, we talked about what we wanted. We both wanted that same experience that we had as kids, knowing that mom was always there. We made a commitment that she would be able to stay at home and raise our children. I credit the good people that our children have become to her choice. Like you, I’m not saying that it’s the only option, or that some women don’t have to work outside the home (my sister-in-law, for example, is divorced and must work to provide for her and her son), nor am I saying that being a stay at home mom is the right thing for all women, but I’m very glad that my wife wanted to do that. We don’t have the boat/RV/ATV/etc. that others have… we don’t have the fanciest home or the nicest new cars to drive, but what we do have is children that grew up to be polite honorable members of society. I’ll take that trade-off any day.
Love it. Amen, sister!!!
The sad thing is Obama’s administration is using ALL women as political pawns with their tactic of a so called “war on women”, and they don’t really care that their policies are hurting so many women and families. Rosins comment is very typical of left wing elitists who feel that because they are educated and in the working force, the rest of us “stay at home moms” have no education or knowledge of anything else. I took heart when I saw the backlash. Rosins comments were snide and mean spirited and they have backfired on her. The Romney’s are a class act in every way. I dare say if there were more Ann Romney’s in the world, the world would not be in the mess it’s in.
Amen!!
I’m sorry that this lady offended the author, but the author doesn’t directly apply to the comment she was referencing. As she stated, her bachelors degree (something many citizens don’t have) earned her a mid-level management position. She has worked a day in her life and can relate to the lifestyle most Americans live. The attacks on women’s rights from the republican party are far more serious than how someone FEELS about your career choice. Issues like maternal leave (both men & women), the right to control one’s reproduction system, pay equality, health care for you & your family, etc are all greater issues than how another lady feels about a wealthy woman’s career path. It’s just media BS. This is a thoughtful article, but this issue shouldn’t be any reason to vote for a presidential candidate. No matter how far one tries to extrapolate on the comment.
I am glad the author is so involved in her children’s life, that is a luxury most people in our country can’t afford.
Mercerskicam: I don’t agree with you on several points.
1. The choice to earn a bachelor degree is available to all Americans. I financed my own degrees, and am still paying them off, but it wasn’t something that “many citizens” don’t have because it isn’t available to them.
2. That she has “worked a day in her life” is something she has in common with Ann Romney, something I think your missing in the point of why she is angry with Hilary Rosen.
3. The attacks on women’s rights by the Republican party are clearly manufactured attacks by the left, not real. To say that a party that gave us such powerful women as Condoleeza Rice, Enid Mickelson Greene, Sarah Palin, Star Parker, Bay Buchanan, and Kay Bailey Hutchison is anti-woman is just a campaign tactic that’s now backfired on the Obama campaign.
4. If the writer had never held a paying job in her life, but had still been a stay at home mom, it would be sufficient to say she had “worked a day in her life.” One need not be employed in the workforce to understand the pressures and economics that affect women in America.
5. If you want media BS, realize that what Hilary Rosen was engaging in WAS media BS.
6. It is a reason to choose a Presidential candidate. Barack Obama is paying women less than he is paying men, he is supporting policies that have resulted in a slower economic recovery, and a slower economic recovery clearly impacts women both in and out of the workforce. When a provider, father or mother, can make enough because the economy is slow and jobs are insufficient, then women are hurt as much, if not more, than men. THAT is a great reason to vote for someone other than Barack Obama in the fall.
As for whether it is a luxury that most people cannot afford, that’s just blatantly not true. It takes sacrifice for her to stay home with her kids, it takes doing without some things, but that’s a price she’s willing to pay, as is her family to have her there.